What I Need During A Depressive Episode

I can usually sense when I'm beginning a depressive episode. When I sense that one is beginning, I can make the steps I need to lessen the impact and continue on with my life, no matter what anxieties or insecurities I imagine to exist. The episodes still happen; the effect, however, is lessened.

It becomes difficult when I don't notice my depressive episodes until I already enter. If that ever happens, I sometimes forget to use the self-tools I possess to lessen the blow, act in strange and uncharacteristic ways, or try to retreat in any way I can.

Fortunately, I do have a group of good friends who I've explicitly asked to be my support in the occasions when I can't help myself, or forget to help myself. These notes are mainly for them, but can be for any friends of mine that wish to know ways they can help me.

This is what I need from people when I'm in a depressive episode, whether I catch myself to lessen the impact or not:

I Need People To Not Use Force

A lot of my own energy, when in a depressive episode, is utilised to simply get myself doing the things I need to do. I don't feel comfortable, and I get even more irritated and tense and emotional, when people force me to do something. This could be anything from forcing me to do something I enjoy, forcing me to work harder, or forcing me to get over myself. When I'm in an episode I'm doing the best I can and I can't do anything more than that.

I Need People To Let Me Join When Ready

I become a recluse whenever I have a depressive episode. However, this does not mean that I don't want to hang out with a group of people. I need people to give me the space I need, but I don't need people to absolutely exclude me from any activity that I might want to do. Rather, I need people to be open to letting me participate without forcing.

I Need People To Understand That I Am Not Offended At You

Again, I become a bit of a recluse. This does not mean that I hate your guts.

I Need Affection

I'm too afraid to ask for this from people, usually, because I don't want to seem clingy or needy. However, simple touches, hugs, holding, kisses, wiping away of tears, and other things like that help me significantly. I respond well to touch, and small things like this make me feel (literally) that everything is okay and everyone still likes me and that people do love me, no matter what the depressive voice inside me tells me.

I Need Reaffirmations

I tell myself all the time that things are okay, even when my heart wrenches in pain and when I vomit because of the stress of merely keeping myself normal. But it always, always helps to hear someone else tell me that things are fine. Sometimes, I might not even see things as fine. In this case, it helps me to remember that things are fine when people tell me things are fine.

I Will Understand When You Can't Deal With Me

There's a reason I have a support group and not one person to support me: I can't expect one person to be my sole help. As much as I would like a particular person (changes depending on the kind of moods) the person doesn't matter as long as the person is supportive. I won't think anything bad of anyone who cannot help me, and, when better, I will get slightly annoyed if they apologise for something that they couldn't do (because, at that time, it's something they couldn't give). I have people to help me, and I understand that people have other things to do.

I Need To Know I Am Loved And Cared For

Much of my anxieties stem from this what-if: do people really care about me? If people are helping me it's obvious that I am cared for. However, I might not know it at the time. Just be gentle and still as I'm turbulent and scary; I'll eventually get out, and I will appreciate it a lot to know that people who do support me helped me weather the storm, no matter how small.

I'll be sure to add more things I need when depressed.