Refletions on Jealousy

I've just come to realise how deep-rooted and nasty jealousy is when one travels toward the path of happiness. While I've gained awareness, and while I've become aware that one never, ever, has to act on one's negative and destructive emotions, I am still aware that negative and destructive emotions are hard to be rid of. Right now, in my personal practice, I can feel the emotions lingering over my mind and heart, annoying, like a fly, yet doing nothing to influence my emotions. I suppose that seeing this annoyance is a good first step towards eradicating this destructive emotion, or, perhaps, it's a good first step towards changing this emotion into something positive.

Still, I'm quite amazed at how deeply rooted these emotions are, and I can't fathom its tangled skeins inside the hearts of others. It makes a sense of sadness and pity, both for my still-attached heart and for others who may suffer from these emotions, spring forth from inside my soul. Jealousy, even though it affects me little now than before, still affects me in significant ways. I can wake up sometimes and, evil imagination, fantasise something caused by jealousy. Or, perhaps, my same evil imagination (perhaps not evil per-se, but easily succumbing to the negative emotions) creates an image in the evening. In both cases I end up hurting myself. I lose sleep, perhaps, or I fret a bit, perhaps, at least until I can realise once more that the thoughts and fantasises that spring from negative emotions are delusional and not based on reality.

And yet, the awareness of jealousy or other negative emotions doesn't make the emotions go away. It's quite strange, really. I've compared it to a fly buzzing around one's head, becoming more and more irritating the more and more it tries to influence you. How do you swat such a fly? I don't know the answer to that. Maybe someday I'll find it, but today, I don't know. So, I'll live with the fly, be aware that it's there, tell myself it's okay, and move on. At least, when one is aware of the fly, one can choose not to do anything because of the fly's actions.