Emotional Tantrums/Hungry

Today, I'll let myself be weak a bit and just let this out. I'll let myself see how distorted, ugly, and destructive negative emotions are.

I didn't get my paycheck today when I checked my bank account. It generally wouldn't worry me at all if I actually had food with which to eat today. I thank my lucky stars that I don't have bills mid-month, but I do need to prepare for rent, Netflix, Internet, and Utilities. I'm not too mad, and I don't feel too angry, but I am frustrated (which, I feel, is a kind of anger) that this is happening. It's messy and annoying, and, well, I don't know. I'm hungry and need to eat! I'm also still dealing with jealousy, that annoying fly, that I've spoke about before. But that has always been there, and I never act on it. It's just more prevalent now than it was before now.

I'm an emotional mess, yet I'm aware of it's messiness and I can still function as I should today. So, I guess I'm still happy, just conflicted? Is it possible to be happy and not feel pleased? I guess it is possible, but perhaps it's only possible when even basic needs aren't being met.

Ugh.